Alexithymia is the inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner. That is my state now. I cannot describe how the continuous pitter-patter of the rain outside is making me feel. It reminds me of something. Something ancient. Something from long long ago. Something from my childhood. Not that long really, fifteen years maybe. It reminds of coming home drenched, getting off an auto-rickshaw, clutching my umbrella and running to an open door. Running to my smiling mother as she starts directing me to do various things all at once: change to warm clothes, rub your hair with a towel, don’t keep your bag here, wash your face first-talk later.
Snacks were ready on the table always and I ate them hungrily while my sister and I took turns narrating our stories for the day. Why aren’t these memories more clearer in my head? All I have is a collection of hazy images.
Green chutney sandwich has always been my favourite snack. I still love it. There is always a box of green chutney in my refrigerator. Green chutney sandwich was a special snack during my school days. It was the simplest sandwich: tomato and cucumber kept between two slices of bread, one with green chutney, one with butter. I made it today.
It is amazing how a whiff of something familiar can bring back a huge ocean of memories. Like today, the smell of rain, coffee, green chutney and the sound of nonstop rains brought back so many images from my school days. Yet, I wish I remembered more.